Every year, 98% of Laguna Beach households believe this will be their year: They will get at least a few trick-or-treaters.
So they go to the store and buy a modest amount of candy. Maybe they put out a pumpkin. And then they wait. And wait.
Halfway through a scary movie, they get up and look outside. Nothing. They go back to the movie and open another piece of candy.
“Damn Oak Street,” they say. “And Brooks.”
Laguna’s ghoulish juggernaut strikes again. Brooks and Oak (BO) have become a Halloween monopoly, forcing out the competition across the city. North and South Laguna have become zombie wastelands.
Even Midtown (which we refuse to call the HIP District) dares not to challenge BO. A few adjacent houses near the entrance to BO are allowed to decorate, but that’s about it.
“I don’t like to go to Oak Street anymore, but my parents make me,” said one young girl. “It’s too crowded, and you really don’t get very much candy.”
“It’s gotten out of hand,” said a Cress Street homeowner, who requested anonymity for fear of retribution. “It’s like they’re the Halloween mafia. My wife and I would like to pass out candy, but no one ever comes, and we’re just one street away.”
No one knows how BO became so powerful, but if you’re wondering, it has nothing to do with Robert Englund, Laguna’s resident Hollywood horror actor.
“I’m on Elm Street, remember?” he said. “I don’t get kids either. It’s really annoying, actually.”
And if you’re wondering what city officials can do, you should look elsewhere. They already encourage BO by providing police protection, public works and other services. From the city’s perspective, the more concentrated the festivities, the better – fewer kids running around in dark crosswalks.
“We don’t discriminate,” said Councilmember Sue Kempf. “But, off the record, we like BO, as you call it. We don’t want Halloween’s evil spirits to spread throughout the city. It’s like the Fourth of July, keep it on Main Beach and ban it everywhere else.”
Rumor has it Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm and Six Flags are fighting over the rights to BO. In the meantime, while BO continues to thrive, just save your money, stop buying candy, and watch reruns of “A Nightmare on Elm Street.”
Because unless you live on Oak or Brooks, Halloween in Laguna is just an eerily quiet night like any other.
