More city surveys, more worms

When the Laguna Beach City Council is in doubt, it either hires a consultant or takes a survey.

Get ready for a survey. Spoiler alert: Just answer “yes” to everything so we can move on.

Seriously, do we need another survey about the Promenade? Or artist live-work? Or undergrounding? No.

We’ve been through this, many times. We’ve heard every side, including the Zoom idiots. We know what we want, how to do it, and how to pay for it.

Alas, come April, expect a questionnaire from the city, sounding earnest yet neutral about topics like: affordable and assisted living housing; artist live-work housing; community pool; utility undergrounding and traffic impacts; outdoor dining program; Promenade on Forest; Downtown Action Plan; Facilities Master Plan; Aliso Creek.

By way of background, the city’s annual survey isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s largely focused on revenue goals. The questions over the years have been the same, or very similar, so the city can track changes in sentiment.

This year, however, at its annual brainstorming retreat, the City Council decided to add questions in an effort to “survey topics of interest and help identify services that may need improvement or additional support,” according to a report.

In other words, let’s open another can of worms.

Several cans, actually. A food bank’s worth of cans. So many worms.

Let’s break this down in an effort to mitigate the need for new surveys at all. That’s right, consider this Laguna’s silent majority vote:

• Affordable and assisted living housing: YES. We want that. And bill the state.
• Artist live-work housing: YES. Awesome. We like Gen X, Y, Z, Alpha. Boomers, not so much. They can afford regular housing.
• Community pool: Meh. Isn’t there a pool at the high school? Besides, have you looked out the window lately? It’s called the Pacific. Google it.
• Utility undergrounding and traffic impacts: YES. Definitely. Should have happened 50 years ago. And while you’re at it, put in more EV chargers.
• Outdoor dining program: YES. We thought that was already a thing. But maybe not in front of random places like the Marine Room – not that we’re against drinking outside.
• Promenade on Forest: YES. Again, thought this was a done deal. Haven’t we actually voted yes on this 27 times already?
• Downtown Action Plan: YES. We need more action downtown.
• Facilities Master Plan: YES. Because we love it when a plan comes together.
• Aliso Creek: YES. Have you ever tried to find your golf ball on the fourth hole of Ben Brown? The creek can be really murky.

That’s it. Done. Yes. If we need any more surveys, let’s do one on the best number of Mexican restaurants we can have in town.

Because we need more. You know, so we can have margarita tasting contests.

Maybe outside of the Marine Room.